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broken

theres only so much you can take, theres only so much that you can look away from and forgive easily.

this time im not forgiving you.

you broke a promise. lied to me. and broke my heart.

i do absolutely everything for you. i was going to spoil the shit out of you for your birthday but fuck that.

i treat you like fucking gold. i give you everything you ask for without hesitation. i NEVER say no to you.

i have lost all my self respect because of you. you tell me i deserve better well hell fucking yes i do. and i dont go find better because your all i want and im stupid. im blind. and ill never walk away.

id rather be unhappy for the rest of my life then walk away.. id give my whole entire life up just to have you in my life..

wait.. im already doing that..

you accused me saying that you think im cheating.. which makes me laugh because im completely faithful to you. do i have every oppurtunity to flirt and do whatever of course but i dont. you can read my messages go through my phone facebook whatever you want. but i cant touch your phone. you freak then give it to me with everything logged off. whos really hiding things. NOT ME.

you will never understand the sacrifice i do to my life, myself, me for you.

you will truely never know what it feels like to be truely and deeply in love with someone that breaks your heart and kills you everyday.

you will never understand the shit i have given up and the shit i will do just for you..

i do all this shit… i get treated this way.. because i wont walk away.. because im too fucking fucked up in the head because im so fucking in love with you..

this whole rant was just fucking pointless.

impossible.

How do you tell someone you just hate everything about yourself.
How do you just say i wish I could just not eat ever and loose all this weight.
How do you just deprive yourself from sleep and not care about what health outcomes appear in the end..
How can i just say that when i look at you my stomach hurts so badly that i wish i was used to seeing you .
How can i tell you that im in so much pain..but try so hard to just let everything not worry you..
How do i tell you that you arent seeing a lot thats going on.. im just showing the good..
At least trying..
Do you know how hard it is to keep it off my arms.. to keep it off my chest.. my stomach.. my thighs.. everywhere. .
Do you know how much i love you.. do you really honestly understand what id do for you just to see you smile and stay breathing everyday.. do you really truely understand..

gave you my all…</3

I gave my whole body and soul and heart to you and you didnt care.. you held it close to you than tossed it around like a toy.
You told me i needed to stay by your side through the good and bad and i said i would. But you dont even see whats going on with me. You expect me to give something up, you expect me to just let something i hate go, you expect me to change who i am. And what do you get to do.. what you want.
I sit here and realize all these things and i think a lot. And honestly i feel like you dont care if you are or arent in a relationship you just care about what your doing that day.
I see your sisters relationship and im honestly jealous as fuck. She seems so happy and that girl loves her more than anything and they just seem perfect.
We used to be like that.. but the fighting tore us about it didnt make us stronger at all.. and i think im the only person who can admit that.
Thinking about not being with you tmmrw breaks my heart and kills me and im not sure if you feel the same way..im not sire if you’ll care as much as i will if we broke up.. im not sure if you will even notice the difference..
Guess no one wins in that situation..
3

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